Monday, November 1, 2010
understanding
this sounds goofy, but I had a crazy week this last week which meant mike was with the kids A LOT! By the end of the week end he was exhausted and worn out and a bit frustrated, he said things like " you need to be home more then one morning a week, and what do we do about....?? and waht about??? How can we fix???" things like this. I think I could have thrown up my hands and yelled " WHAT DO YOU THINK I HAVE BEEN SAYING FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS???" but The Lord helped me out on this one and I realized I had been given a gift...that of Mike understanding. sometimes when we tell people things they just can't understand...unless the experience it.....so Mike got to understand and now together we can move forward...
Saturday, October 30, 2010
day 1
yesterday was such and emotional day. Mike had his last day at work, and about half way through the day I realized I had been grouchy and crabby all day, but for a reason, I couldn't breath! those darn allergies are back and I was getting irritable with every one, not because I was actually mad but because I felt claustrophobic in my own body, and it put me on edge.
As the day wore on I felt my self near tears and praying to the Lord for a little help. We were having 10 people over for a couples date night. Mike and I were making ALL the food and it needed to not only be good but look nice. with less then two hours left, a house that was barley on the line of clean, no make up and hair done and a list a page long of things to cook (Litterally I had done NO cooking at all!!). i felt the panic set in.
that's when I heard a knock on the door. a good friend, whom I have not been able to see much lately, stopped my " just because she missed me" she quickly looked around and decided to be my sue chef! she stayed until all the guest arrived, cooked, did dishes and encouraged me to "go get ready" even though she wasn't staying for the event herself. I needed her in so many ways. she was more then just a helping hand. she was reassurance that the Lord is mindful of my every stress and worry. from friend ship statuses to dinner prep, my prayers were answered. I was so grateful for this manifestation of the Lords hand in my life.!
As the day wore on I felt my self near tears and praying to the Lord for a little help. We were having 10 people over for a couples date night. Mike and I were making ALL the food and it needed to not only be good but look nice. with less then two hours left, a house that was barley on the line of clean, no make up and hair done and a list a page long of things to cook (Litterally I had done NO cooking at all!!). i felt the panic set in.
that's when I heard a knock on the door. a good friend, whom I have not been able to see much lately, stopped my " just because she missed me" she quickly looked around and decided to be my sue chef! she stayed until all the guest arrived, cooked, did dishes and encouraged me to "go get ready" even though she wasn't staying for the event herself. I needed her in so many ways. she was more then just a helping hand. she was reassurance that the Lord is mindful of my every stress and worry. from friend ship statuses to dinner prep, my prayers were answered. I was so grateful for this manifestation of the Lords hand in my life.!
A new project
Since there is only one person who reads this blog in the entire universe, I think its a safe place to start my new project. I have been thinking a lot about that talk by Elder Eyring, you know the one about looking each day for the Lords hand in our lives, the one that goes a little farther then just couting your blessings. He asked us to LOOK for them, RECORD them.
So, this is the project, as often as I can, I am going to hop on here and record it, my blessings or the instances when I felt the Lords hand in my life, just quickly not a big deal. But ever since I heard that talk...which was now a while ago, I have felt drawn twards his words and felt the need to do as he asked. So here we go a new experiment!
So, this is the project, as often as I can, I am going to hop on here and record it, my blessings or the instances when I felt the Lords hand in my life, just quickly not a big deal. But ever since I heard that talk...which was now a while ago, I have felt drawn twards his words and felt the need to do as he asked. So here we go a new experiment!
been gone for a while..
Life has been so crazy I haven't blogged in ....a while. But So much has happened I know I need to post pictures and write it all out. I am expecting this week to be better. I have less going on, so hopefully I can catch up this week with everything!! but until then, I just wanted to mention on one of the bigger changes going on in the Heller home.
Yesterday was Mikes final day at Raymorgan. It was funny all the emotions that rolled through Mike and I as the day went on. Our years with this company have been up down and every where in between...but much more on the upside then anything else. We have personally gotten to know all the owners of the company and their wives. Mike put it best " Brigette, they actually knew us well enough to pronounce your name the right way!" LOL.
So Mike cleaned out his office, wrote any last minute e-mails, and its done. The saddness of the moment is short lived however, all because we are moving on to something that we feel will be much better for our family. In all our searching for the right fit for our family, we have moved, switched jobs several times and gone through one of the hardest years in our family with law school. Through it all, we just never quite had the peace that we were doing the right thing.
When Mike and I discussed this new job, we had a lot of questions, but got only one answer. For the first time in over 5 years, this change felt right and REALLY good. I don't know why we have not been able to get this feeling sooner, I have fretted over this so many times over the last few years, the "why?" but now it doesn't seem to matter because we have a real direction......
so we will call the last few years, learning years, Because we have learned A LOT. Changes are in store for the hellers ( again LOL) but this time, it all feels good, no fear because we know its right for our family. So wish us luck and off we go!
Yesterday was Mikes final day at Raymorgan. It was funny all the emotions that rolled through Mike and I as the day went on. Our years with this company have been up down and every where in between...but much more on the upside then anything else. We have personally gotten to know all the owners of the company and their wives. Mike put it best " Brigette, they actually knew us well enough to pronounce your name the right way!" LOL.
So Mike cleaned out his office, wrote any last minute e-mails, and its done. The saddness of the moment is short lived however, all because we are moving on to something that we feel will be much better for our family. In all our searching for the right fit for our family, we have moved, switched jobs several times and gone through one of the hardest years in our family with law school. Through it all, we just never quite had the peace that we were doing the right thing.
When Mike and I discussed this new job, we had a lot of questions, but got only one answer. For the first time in over 5 years, this change felt right and REALLY good. I don't know why we have not been able to get this feeling sooner, I have fretted over this so many times over the last few years, the "why?" but now it doesn't seem to matter because we have a real direction......
so we will call the last few years, learning years, Because we have learned A LOT. Changes are in store for the hellers ( again LOL) but this time, it all feels good, no fear because we know its right for our family. So wish us luck and off we go!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
unmentionable substance
since I already wrote on the other blog I will share this thought on this one! =)
Just now as I was making dinner Jackson called to me and told me he had an accident ( of the bathroom kind) and he needed some help cleaning up. He for-warned me that it was " a big messy one"...nice, I know. So as usual I marched back there determined to be compassionate and maybe in my trying to be nice, we would figure out how to fix this problem. But much to my suprise he had not over estimate the size of this mess, every surface was covered with what I will refer to as " the unmentionable substance" to make matters worse he had destroyed my favorite eyes shadow and a thin layer of gray power covered the unmentionable substance making a difficult mess to clean up.
I wanted to get mad, I thought about a good spanking. But after about one second ( literally) I realized none of this would help him or me, so I turned to fixing me first. I wondered about my morning, how it could go from so wonderful and spiritual to this, yucky mess. As I washed sinkful after sinkful and toilet bowl after toliet bowl of unmentionalble substance out of clothes and rags and off of floors, walls, flat irons, and make up. I decided I was going to take Elder Maxwells advice, which I had learned earlier ( see other blog from today!) I was going to turn this experience into a learning experience and grow closer to Christ.......but how............
then all at once, the Lord blessed me with understanding. I thought of the Savior. He not only touch those with sins but he touches the dirtiest sickest among us. Over and Over he helped those who could not help them selves, those who were outcast because of things they could or could not control.
Of course he did not stop there, he did not just live and heal, he lived and died, he lived and thaught us how we should live, and he died that we might be able to live and make mistakes and still be able to find out way back to him through repentance.
In that moment I understood that while cleaning unmentionable substance was gross and stinky and hard, it was teaching me how to love my son in a stronger deeper way. I was serving him, expecting nothing in return, for I was only doing something he could not have. I felt his embarrassment at the situation and I knew I had no choice but to help, because I loved him. The savior felt our emotions, he loved us, so he did what we can not. he lived a perfect life, he died that our imperfections can be compensated for. I love my savior with a deeper love after today. I am grateful he has a superior knowledge and never chastises or hurts in a moment of frustration. I guess Elder Maxwell was right, all experiences can lead us back home if we let them. even if all we are doing is cleaning unmentionable substance.
Just now as I was making dinner Jackson called to me and told me he had an accident ( of the bathroom kind) and he needed some help cleaning up. He for-warned me that it was " a big messy one"...nice, I know. So as usual I marched back there determined to be compassionate and maybe in my trying to be nice, we would figure out how to fix this problem. But much to my suprise he had not over estimate the size of this mess, every surface was covered with what I will refer to as " the unmentionable substance" to make matters worse he had destroyed my favorite eyes shadow and a thin layer of gray power covered the unmentionable substance making a difficult mess to clean up.
I wanted to get mad, I thought about a good spanking. But after about one second ( literally) I realized none of this would help him or me, so I turned to fixing me first. I wondered about my morning, how it could go from so wonderful and spiritual to this, yucky mess. As I washed sinkful after sinkful and toilet bowl after toliet bowl of unmentionalble substance out of clothes and rags and off of floors, walls, flat irons, and make up. I decided I was going to take Elder Maxwells advice, which I had learned earlier ( see other blog from today!) I was going to turn this experience into a learning experience and grow closer to Christ.......but how............
then all at once, the Lord blessed me with understanding. I thought of the Savior. He not only touch those with sins but he touches the dirtiest sickest among us. Over and Over he helped those who could not help them selves, those who were outcast because of things they could or could not control.
Of course he did not stop there, he did not just live and heal, he lived and died, he lived and thaught us how we should live, and he died that we might be able to live and make mistakes and still be able to find out way back to him through repentance.
In that moment I understood that while cleaning unmentionable substance was gross and stinky and hard, it was teaching me how to love my son in a stronger deeper way. I was serving him, expecting nothing in return, for I was only doing something he could not have. I felt his embarrassment at the situation and I knew I had no choice but to help, because I loved him. The savior felt our emotions, he loved us, so he did what we can not. he lived a perfect life, he died that our imperfections can be compensated for. I love my savior with a deeper love after today. I am grateful he has a superior knowledge and never chastises or hurts in a moment of frustration. I guess Elder Maxwell was right, all experiences can lead us back home if we let them. even if all we are doing is cleaning unmentionable substance.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
not so super...
This last few weeks have been challenging ones for me. Its funny because when I first stated writing this blog I knew this time would be coming. I felt an over whelming amount of stress as the collision of crazy events was inevitably before me. I thought to my self " this is a true test of my super mom theories, we shall see how I get through all this"
well....... I have not flown through this time with flying colors..at all. In fact, most of the time I feel like I am hanging off a cliff by just the tips of my fingers. moment by moment, the change in my pockets, my jewelry and my shoes are dropping the bottomless pit below. I just keep hanging on looking for help, wondering how its possible to fix my situation. Obviously this is not how a super mom would be acting in the heat of battle. I have realized though, that sometimes outside uncontrollable things happen. while I may know how to fix things that doesn't always mean I can. SO maybe I am just hanging on, but maybe for right now, that has to be enough.
you remember a saying " practice what you preach"? I would have to say I am most guilty of not always practicing what I preach. I know what I need to do, I know what the Lords has taught me to do but some times doing it is the hardest part.
so here I am conflicted, between "practicing what you preach" and "just hanging on". Because some times the strength you need to practice what you preach just isn't there. As I wrote this it occurred to me that maybe its not physically possible for me to be super woman at this time. However, if I because a super woman mentally and spiritually at least I would be moving in the right direction. I also realized the answer always lies with in the problem. So here I go again, I may be hanging on the cliff of a bottomless pit, but I am ready to take a deep breath- relax, call on the Only source which can give me strength beyond my own, asking for help to get off the edge. Time to have my feet planted on solid ground! even though my current chaos has no near end in sight, I am ready to let my pride go and let the Lord do the heavy lifting, because I just physically can't. I should have known it all along, but as a person who is stubborn, some times it takes me longer then it should to figure things out.
well....... I have not flown through this time with flying colors..at all. In fact, most of the time I feel like I am hanging off a cliff by just the tips of my fingers. moment by moment, the change in my pockets, my jewelry and my shoes are dropping the bottomless pit below. I just keep hanging on looking for help, wondering how its possible to fix my situation. Obviously this is not how a super mom would be acting in the heat of battle. I have realized though, that sometimes outside uncontrollable things happen. while I may know how to fix things that doesn't always mean I can. SO maybe I am just hanging on, but maybe for right now, that has to be enough.
you remember a saying " practice what you preach"? I would have to say I am most guilty of not always practicing what I preach. I know what I need to do, I know what the Lords has taught me to do but some times doing it is the hardest part.
so here I am conflicted, between "practicing what you preach" and "just hanging on". Because some times the strength you need to practice what you preach just isn't there. As I wrote this it occurred to me that maybe its not physically possible for me to be super woman at this time. However, if I because a super woman mentally and spiritually at least I would be moving in the right direction. I also realized the answer always lies with in the problem. So here I go again, I may be hanging on the cliff of a bottomless pit, but I am ready to take a deep breath- relax, call on the Only source which can give me strength beyond my own, asking for help to get off the edge. Time to have my feet planted on solid ground! even though my current chaos has no near end in sight, I am ready to let my pride go and let the Lord do the heavy lifting, because I just physically can't. I should have known it all along, but as a person who is stubborn, some times it takes me longer then it should to figure things out.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
why I feel so obsessed with super mom....
this whole project has been interesting, I was loosing a little steam when The Lord sent me a reminder of why I need to figure this out. Its not actually about becoming super mom, I think we all already are. It about realizing the POTENTIAL we have right with in our self. Just today I had a mom who I love deeply say to me. " you just can't do it with out help". she was talking about her self. She unfolded her life ( in a very abbreviated version) and she talk about her support group. Now she feels Like her support group is gone and she thinks with out those people she can't be all she needs to be for those she loves.
In The kindest way I know how, I would like to say I think she is wrong. Yes, we all need support; but when we are in our hardest times it will not matter how many individuals rally around us if we do not have faith in God and a strong belief in our self. Amazing stories are told of men and woman through out the ages who did incredible things against all odds. sometimes there was NO support system so they reach to a higher source and then looked with in themselves and moved forward.
What I was reminded today is that there are very few women out there who believe in them self, who truly believe with all their heart in a supreme being who wants them to succeed. I ,with all these women, falter in more moments then I would like to admit, but I know even though I am not perfect, I still can share what little I have learned. So this is the mission. To teach each and every women her true identity and then step back as they make miracles happen!
In The kindest way I know how, I would like to say I think she is wrong. Yes, we all need support; but when we are in our hardest times it will not matter how many individuals rally around us if we do not have faith in God and a strong belief in our self. Amazing stories are told of men and woman through out the ages who did incredible things against all odds. sometimes there was NO support system so they reach to a higher source and then looked with in themselves and moved forward.
What I was reminded today is that there are very few women out there who believe in them self, who truly believe with all their heart in a supreme being who wants them to succeed. I ,with all these women, falter in more moments then I would like to admit, but I know even though I am not perfect, I still can share what little I have learned. So this is the mission. To teach each and every women her true identity and then step back as they make miracles happen!
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